Crap on a stick.

This week has been hard. Hard. Hard.

I was basically on autopilot all week; get up at 5:30am, pump, shower in the hall bath so Nora didn’t come into our room and touch Tim. Get the girls fed/ready and out the door by 7:20am. Work is almost relaxing; Sit. Coffee. Internet. 

My wonderful In-Laws came over Tuesday/Thursday night not only with great dinners, but stayed so I could give each girl a bath too - such a huge help. I’m grateful they are nearby and are so willing to help. They also came Saturday which allowed me to log 8.3 miles of running.

It’s still hard and I know Tim is already tired of being sore and not able to help. And I’m tired of feeling the weight. I can’t be Tim’s nurse because I have the little ones who need me more. He’s slowly able to slightly more each day, even if it’s sitting with Nora while I feed Hannah.

Friday after a long, hard week, my commute ended up being over an hour long due to traffic and when I picked up Hannah, her minor cough had become slightly worse. Cold = postponed surgery. I had a hard time holding back my tears on the way home and lost my composure. 

Six flipping weeks we’ve waited and she gets a cold days away from a surgery. There’s only so much of a bubble we can stay in especially with two full-time working parents. 

I thought it would work its way out, but I’m not seeing any improvement. I can only imagine they’ll make us wait another six weeks... I’m trying to keep perspective that Hannah is “healthy” and getting nutrition and growing. Eventually she will be fixed. 

I’m just tired of waiting and just want to get past this hurdle. I’m also thinking of Hannah’s ability to eat - we can only work on her coordination to drink bottles once we get her heart fixed... and eating solid foods. T21 causes her to be delayed to begin with, but this highly possible postponement will cause her development to be delayed even further in my eyes... 

I’m contacting the surgeon’s office tomorrow to see what the next steps will be. I’m certain we’ll be re-scheduled - and we won’t have been the first. 

Will keep everyone posted...