Literally No Rest for the Weary

We purposely kept Labor Day weekend quiet because things are not settling until mid-October at this point. 

This week has been a straight cluster. 

My Tuesday started horribly. I was tired from being up with Hannah. I was almost at work, at a stop sign in an alley. Woman in front of me was geared to take a right-hand turn. I looked left to see if any traffic was coming and pushed on the gas, assuming the woman had made her turn - she did not. I hit into her trail hitch and jacked up my passenger front fender. Still drivable, but definitely damaged my car and my mood. 

I had to leave early to get Hannah to her 4-year checkup. 2pm is an awkward time. Right before I left work I realized “Oh crud, she has vaccines!” Three to be exact. It was a little easier than Nora’s because Hannah cognitively didn’t quite understand what the tray of syringes next to her were about to cause her to lose her mind. Which she did - but Hannah gets over it fast. 

Wednesday Tim took Hannah to the follow-up appointment for the follow-up sleep study to her tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. The bad news I feared came true: absolutely nothing changed. Her breathing is still shallow and stops breathing periodically. Our next step is an MRI/endoscopy to see if there is physical blockage in part of her anatomy (and possible future surgery). In December we will have a third sleep study to determine precisely what she’ll need for a CPAP machine. Yes, young children have CPAPs - a handful of Hannah’s peers already do. 

So ultimately, I felt crushed and defeated. I felt like by age four we could put all the physical challenges behind us. A new diagnosis was a blow. I went to the downstairs bathroom and cried out my frustration. 

Thankfully I have another friend whose son is Hannah’s age - and at the same school - who is going through the exact same thing. We’re both pissed that an MRI and endoscopy aren’t the first path for sleep apnea - we wasted time, money, energy, and a near two weeks of recovery - all for naught. 

Ultimately I know this will be for Hannah’s benefit and ours - better sleep for all. A CPAP isn’t for certain either - I imagine if some physical barrier is found, there could be a future surgery and bypass the CPAP? I just hate both ideas. 

Thursday there was a shooting close to where I used to work downtown Cincinnati. I believe there is a gun problem in this nation. I’m utterly sick of no action from the people who run this country. 

I’m also flying out Sunday morning for my annual work “inspiration” trip to Denver. I don’t feel guilty leaving my family, but I feel incredibly bad leaving Tim with a horrible sleeper. He will have no help tending to Hannah who is guaranteed to get up at least once in the middle of the night and then again sometime between 4:30am - 5:30am. He’s going to be a zombie and for that I feel terrible. 

Hannah with Ruby, another cutie at the babysitter’s.