Pity vs Care & Concern

A blogger/advocate I’m fond of lives in the Cincy area and has three daughters, the middle happens to have a limb difference and uses a wheelchair to get around. 

I always enjoy her thought-filled posts. She highlights special needs families/individuals which I find very eye-opening. On social media today, she had a small blurb about pity versus care/concern:

“Here’s the deal, pity may seem innocuous... and often times it is mistaken for empathy, but pity is actually quite harmful. Pity stems from judgment. Pity looks at someone else’s life and makes assumptions. ‘Oh, I feel bad for her, she’s in a wheelchair. That’s sad. Her life must be hard.’

Often pity is disguised as care and concern--in fact most people have the best of intentions and mean it in a really, really nice way. ‘Bless your heart. You are so BRAVE.’ People with disabilities don’t (necessarily) have a harder/worse/sadder life. And they are not brave for simply living life and being a part of the world. And when pity is placed on you week after week and year after year, it becomes a weight. Carrying the weight of pity is harder than having a disability, e.g. LIVING YOUR LIFE IN THE BODY YOU WERE GIVEN. 

And it’s not just the metaphorical weight of pity, because the repercussions of pity are real. Like when you’re afraid that pity will keep from being able to get a job. 

Today’s #specialneedsspotlight couple (my first couple interview ever!) Vin and Sara both talk about pity and their concerns as young, disabled adults about the enter the workforce. Vin says, ‘Pity is definitely becoming a big problem and concern for me as I enter the “real world” and begin my career in aviation. I’m really worried that when I’m working that people will not take me seriously and belittle me because of my disability. I’ve come into contact with people who pity me constantly, if I’m out at school or at the store, pretty much anywhere I go.’ I hope you guys take the time to read the spotlight today because it’s basically a two for 1 deal!”

Vin & Sarah