Nine. Months. Pumping.

I’m free. Yet with a touch of sadness. 

I wasn’t sure why I felt slightly sad to end exclusive pumping after over nine months. I finally realized it’s because Hannah - developmentally - is more like a 5-month old; not sitting on her own, isn’t eating much solids, nor drinking from a sippy cup. All this adds up to me feeling a bit guilty drying myself up. 

I know I did a great job - longer and more volume than Nora received, so I am proud of what Hannah received. 

I feel like I’ve been pumping for so long, yet *bam* here I am in the blink of an eye, done! 

My goal had been 6 months/ when Hannah got through surgery. I look back now and am glad her surgery was pushed to 8 months, which pushed me further than I planned on. Hannah has so much stacked against her physically and cognitively; I just want to give her the best I can... 

On the bright side: Freeeeeeedom! Less parts washing! My nightstand is empty again! 

Really - only half of this disappeared; we still need bottles and tube feeding : )

Goodbye black bag!

I mean...

Model Babies!

I saw this article and cannot stand how adorable this toddler is. I mean, Hannah rivals this cutie, but I’m her Mama and I’m biased : ) 

Adorable!

Ramping Up and Slowing Down

Some positive lifestyle shifts in my schedule this week. 

First: Tuesday AM I woke up at 5:10am [!] to pump and then hit the pavement at 5:25am. It wasn’t as hard as I thought since I wake so early anyway. Running before the sun rises is pretty fantastic; no cars, stillness, quiet. It sounds hokey, but even the scents in the air were fantastic: flora and fauna and woody smoke scents. I was actually surprised I didn’t run into any woodland creatures! I ran 3 miles and the sky was brightening when I got back just before 6am. 

AND we all got out of the house at our normal time.

I can get used to that.

Second: Today I did NOT bring my pump to work. You guys, it was pretty awesome. I only took two bags to work instead of three, and my day was not interrupted with the rhythmic sounds of the milk machine. I’m down to waking up and before bedtime. One and a half weeks left. Then I can wear dresses again! 

Summer is going to be just lovely : )

Thankfully I’ve never needed to talk on the phone while pumping - !

Nora: The Threenager

It’s amazing how 3 years and [almost] 6 months is so different than just 3 years... The term “threenager” is incredibly accurate for her vocabulary and behavior. And I think most Moms would agree with me - age 2 was easy. Age 3? Hang on tight.

The tantrums are receding a bit... they’ll rear their ugly head now and then, usually because TV or phone time is over. We’re weak and we need to get the dishes done, what can I say?

Our family is amazed at her language, vocabulary, and communication:

“So are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Mommy, I made an innovation.” What word did you just use??

Nora hates being woken up on weekdays [who doesn’t] - “Leave me alone!” 

She does not like when my hair is in a ponytail. Huh? 

I saw a mini version of myself this past week at bedtime. Instead of reading books, Nora decided she was going to take all her clothes out of her two drawers and re-fold everything - !! Um, Hi, Little Christine. I just laid on her bed and watched her for a good 10-15 minutes while she quietly focused on folding and rolling all her clothes back into her drawers. 

Nora is a lot of what I didn’t expect my daughter to be; theatrical, super social, and overly gender-specific; i.e. loves pink and purple and princesses. Uck. But as parents know, we love our children no matter what their current moods and likes are.

My wish is that she loves math and science. Really. The opposite of graphic design. I’m an idealist for my children - I want them to make a difference.

We’ve been filling out her pre-school packet this week. It’s pretty bonkers that we’re at this point. I think it’s interesting that people may not realize pre-school is not a pre-requisite for kindergarten. In fact, the main reason we’re enrolling Nora is for social reasons. She actually knows letters, colors, shapes, etc. I just want her to have a larger social experience beyond the sitter’s house. 

I love watching her grow up and develop a rich personality that is and is not like us. She really is her own little self and man, is it something else - hard to put into words, really. 

*Edit - Tim confirmed my comparison of Nora to Mary Katherine Gallagher - a Molly Shannon character from SNL. This is how I sum up Nora.

A bit like Nora's personality

Show and Tell

Just wanted to share a great video and article I saw today - seeing how Hannah could grow up with all these role models. It feels familiar to see women with small babies with Ds as well. The mother of Logan also wrote a great article. A quote that didn’t make her article:

“People with Down syndrome are just that. They’re people first. Down syndrome is a trait they have. Much like a person has blonde hair. It’s part of him. But it does not define him.”

Anyone else catch the lovely young girl whose name is also Hannah? : ) 

People With Down syndrome Speak Out

Stop and Smell the Roses

3 Weeks Ago...

I can’t believe we’ve over 3 weeks past Hannah’s surgery.

Waiting felt like a lifetime. Then she was repaired, out, home, and now even that feels like quite a while back!

We had Hannah’s two week follow-up this week. She had a chest x-ray which she hates; I think due to the cold, hard surface and me having to restrain her arms : (  I got anxious from her crying since instructions were to not let her go too long as to overstress her heart - !

She had an EKG which is easy peasy. And thankfully the echocardiogram was cancelled since she just had that annoyingly full one just before discharge. 

Her cardiologist said she’s looking great - yay! Hannah came off her Lasix [which took fluid away from her heart/lungs] and will continue her Epaned [her one chamber still has a bit high pressure] until her next appointment in two months. At that appointment, she’ll also have a sedated echo [boo] to get a really good look one more time.

Dr. Kimball also let us know that we can let Hannah cry at night as long as we feel fit - she’ll be fine. Whew! So now we won’t jump every time Hannah cries and she can re-learn to soothe herself! 

Hannah also had a Help Me Grow appointment this week. The physical therapist said Hannah is doing fantastic despite the surgery setback. She’s already trying to roll onto her tummy [no-no for 4 more weeks] and wants to sit up... My goal for her is to sit on her own by 1-year old. We’re gonna work hard!

Loves Mama’s hair and earrings!

One Year Ago...

One year ago today [I think it was a Friday] I left a Level 2 ultrasound sobbing. Our baby girl had a list of “abnormalities” that included possible Down syndrome. Tim and I thought our lives were over, we’d go broke, and one of us would have to quit our jobs to help our baby girl. 

The rug was pulled out from underneath us and our expectations were shattered. I didn’t understand why it happened to us: I ate right, exercised, and was so healthy. I saw our neighbor smoking at 8 months pregnant and it made my head explode. 

Fast forward one year and two surgeries later and guess what - none of that happened. In fact, life is “normal!” Our daughter - who happens to have Ds/and is not a “Downs baby” - babbles, grabs my hair, her feet, chews her hands, and is really, really happy. 

The past year has been incredibly trying - difficult, but not impossible. We still spend a lot of time at Children’s and I see so many children who have a very rough time - particularly in the children who are dealing with cancer, etc. It will always give you perspective.

To you or anyone you know who may have a similar journey - Ds is not a handcuff or shackle. Hannah has opened our eyes to acceptance, patience, and has given us new perspective. She is our little warrior full of sunshine.

We are all more alike than different. 

A Glimpse...

Well isn’t this an interesting shopping cart? Ack. Haha!

RELIEF

8 Months

Tim and I feel so much lighter. After a winter and spring of hiding to keep everyone healthy and feeling such anxiety keeping Hannah healthy and getting her through her repair, the sun it out, the trees are full, and we have flowers lifting our moods even higher. Such a weight is lifted from our shoulders that we have moved past this huge life hurdle - open heart surgery on our 8-month old! 

My week home with Hannah was lovely. I forgot how free it is to be home with a non-mobile child on a weekday! I actually shopped. For myself! We bought flowers for the house. I treated myself multiple times to Starbucks iced lattes. 

Hannah has been doing well; Children’s adjusted her reflux meds so the Prevacid actually WORKS now. She’s on Lasix to take fluid away from her heart and Epaned to control her blood pressure. Also Tylenol to control any remaining pain. The only pain we’ve noticed is when she has hiccups! 

We cannot lift her under the arms or strain her shoulder too far back or forward for 8 weeks post surgery. We can gently hold her chest, so I cup my hand around her incision. We still practice her sitting in our laps - her core strength is getting better! My goal for her is to be sitting unassisted by 1 year old. 

Our endearing nickname for Hannah is “Hannah 2.0.” She has more energy which is great... until bedtime. Someone now has the energy to cry when she has to lay down. DOH! We’ve gone 8 months with a sleepy baby who you could lay down and walk away from. Now she protests! AND 1/2 hour after she falls asleep, she cries! AND she cries in the middle of the night now! [Yes, she’s still on Tylenol] All this energy is making someone a stinker now. Ack! And we “have” to pick her up because our instructions for home were not to let her cry too long so as to not overstress her heart during recovery - ! So now she thinks she’ll always be picked up if she cries - don’t get used to it, Sister! This Momma believes in letting babies soothe themselves!

8 months old!

I’m going to bring up the new crying to her Cardiologist because some Mothers in this situation wonder if the new crying is due to the side effects of Lasix : P

This past Saturday we went over to the Krons and Amy & the Boys were there too - even that small visit felt new and refreshing to get OUT. I hadn’t seen the Kieffers since Christmas [I still have yet to see Chris!]!! 

Mother’s Day was awesome. Two years ago I was cleansing for a Monday colonoscopy. Last year I was pregnant and actually had a feeling something wasn’t going to be the same with our baby... 

The girls “bought” me a Mitchell’s gift card, some flowers for outside and a lovely handmade card. We went to the park where I attempted to run with Hannah in the jogger - hard! Then we hit Lowes and Kroger [both crazy]. I was able to spend time outside with Nora - I sat and drank a Corona while she played in the water table. Age 3 is pretty good about not running off and having to chase : )

We grilled out. Hannah was a tired mess and grumpy all night. Though Tim and I ended our day with drinks on the deck overlooking our tree-filled yard - Cheers to moving on!

On Running

I’ve run two races “alone” now - arrive by myself, not running with any friends, finished, then scoot on home. It’s not quite as fun but getting little ones to cheer on Mom is just a little too much right now : ) I’m sure in a year or so Nora can come with Daddy at least sit still [maybe] and cheer me on. 
The Pig 10K was nice and fairly short. I found my photo proof and balked; people always joke how their running photos look way worse than they do on a “normal” day - it’s true - haha!

I’m shocked at how “fast” I’ve become - I’m consistently around a 9:45-9:35 mile and it feels great! I think prior to getting pregnant I was hovering around a 10-minute mile. 

I’m already signed up for the Queen Bee Half in early October - I’ll have to really strategize to get 3 runs in a week!